Cos' I was there when you said forever and always

It's almost 4 in the morning now and there's finally breeze and downpour after one whole day of putting up with the horrible weather. 2 days to be in fact, yesterday's weather sucked as much.

So it was Alex's 18th birthday house party yesterday at Aloha Changi chalet, thank god Alex's parents drove us there because I was almost dying with only 3 hours of sleep. Helped out for the party and rotted around while waiting for the party to start. We were supposed to 'club' but the atmosphere just sucked. Caught up a lil with Pamela and Rosey, met and gotten to know some new people as well. Oh, and Alex got an eggy birthday bash from us! Hahah. I can't imagine if I were to get shits like this on my birthday man, I swear I'd flare up for sure. I'm just... not into these kinda 'fun' I guess? :\ Overall the party was rather a bore but, what matters most is that the birthday boy had fun and I hope he did! Thank you Justin for driving baby boy and I home ^_^ It felt so great to be homed at last after having a long and tiring day.

Today, Alex organized another mini cake cutting celebration with 'the usual ones' and he got another cake birthday bash again. Poor alex, awww. Nothing big, just chilling and doing some catch-ups and home sweet home.

Sometimes I feel like the worse sensitive and paranoid girlfriend that nobody could ever handle or tolerate. I get affected by the littlest things, I get affected by pasts that I could do nothing about. In others' eyes, I might be childish by being this way, I might be mad for being this way. But they don't know how much I hate myself for being this way as well. Yet, it's so inevitable and outta my control. They, don't know how hard am I trying to get over his ugly past after facing all the broken trust and promises he had brought me through. They don't know, there're so many things they don't know because they aren't me. They don't face what I've faced, neither do they feel what I've felt. I know it's gonna be hard pulling it through but I know it's gonna be worth it all as well, because I know I'm the first and only girl who have made you changed for the better for real. You don't know how glad I am to be the girl you're in the longest relationship with, to be the girl you've created the most memories with. I am sorry for being this way. It might sound a lil overrated to say that "I'm acting this way because I love you and I care for you too much", but well it's true. I believe that time and your love will make me grow stronger and walk me out of these afflictions someday. So please, don't ever give up on me... I love you, Jayden.

X